Are you single? And are you convinced that ”all the good” men and women are taken? It’s time to try out something new. I recently held a Singles Event and, as usual, I kept hearing the phrase: “I honestly think all the good men/women are taken”.
And let’s be honest, when you’re talking to other single people about the challenges of the ‘single life’, it’s not hard to find someone who’ll agree with you; that all the one’s worth kissing are already taken. Everyone has been on a date with someone who most certainly did not deserve a second date; someone – to put it nicely – just did not share the same values as you. All this can’t help but leave any single person feeling slightly hopeless and convinced that they’ll spend their forever alone.
The thought of “all the good ones are taken” is not unnatural to have and it’s completely logical actually to be thinking this; especially if you’re new on the dating market and you start off with dates all being worse than the one preceding them.
The worst thing you can do
However, the very worst thing you can do is to get stuck on the idea – milking it actually – whenever you’re feeling a bit bored and hereby, slowly but surely, raising this idea to be what you consider a truth.
For several reasons:
- You’re simply wrong. Yes, you may have had your share of awful dates but that doesn’t me
- And that the rest of the world’s singles are bad.You lose all hope and can’t be bothered dating. Why try when it’s doomed to fail anyway?
If you’re dreaming of finding a partner but somehow you convince yourself that it’s impossible to find him/her, these negative thoughts will be detrimental to your quality of life.
- Overthinking and over-analyzing problems very rarely actually solve them. Instead you need to get back in the dating game and see that a good date with a potential partner is possible.
- When you are finally dating and you meet someone with even the slightest possibility of turning into a long-term partner, you can easily find yourself being needy and terrified of losing him/her. This neediness – and anxiety – kicks in because you have convinced yourself (of the lie) that there are no ‘good ones’ left.
The consequence of believing that there are no good single men/women left is just too negative a burden to carry around.
Also, it shows that in more than 50% of these cases, it’s not even about those potential partners but rather about yourself. You’re scared of not being chosen and therefore, so many people tend to reject others before any of the good stuff has even had a chance to begin.
As soon as “my” singles have realised this and turned their mindset around, dating becomes a whole new experience. It’s just more likely for them to find their future partner.
- Ask yourself this question: With all the people getting divorced every year, how can’t there be any ‘good ones’ left on the dating market?
- Start thinking about dating as a trip to the gym. It might be this particular week where you’ll start to notice progress in your training. Remember, the first many times at the gym have seemed like such a waste of time because you haven’t seen any progress whatsoever.Know that there is always another date just around
- Know that there is always another date just around the corner, and that it’s not a dangerous thing to reject someone or to be rejected. Rejection does not mean that you are “wrong”, it just means that the puzzle piece you picked up, wasn’t the right one for you. Luckily, there are plenty of pieces left to choose from.
Danmarks Statistik (Denmark’s Statistics) shows that there are 1.6 million singles in Denmark. The total population in Denmark is 5.6 million.
Decide to give dating at least another 15 shots before you even begin to consider whether ”all the good ones are taken”.
Get out there! The world is filled with wonderful single people. There’s more than one person out there who will be a good match for you. And that’s a promise!
Is Anyone Left For Me?
This is a guest post written by a pretty famous couple’s therapist and clinical sexologist in Denmark – and now also here in the US. She has several columns in Danish newspapers and so much more. I am happy to welcome Maj and her wisdom to ninko.us!
Visit Maj’s American Website Here